There are lots of posts, thoughts, and definitions of anger. The word anger comes from Middle English, "angr," which means sorrow or grief.*  There’s the Latin word "angere," which means to strangle.* The definition of anger is usually detailed as a “strong emotion,” that is a fight response, apparently about some real or supposed wrong doing. Angry behavior is meant to warn others to beware.

Let’s look at anger and its negative effects. If you beat down anger in yourself, it will cower down, and strike later, when you are feeling defenseless. It will go for your throat, your face, your eyes, and your stomach. It is an animal that has to be reckoned with, tamed, a terror monster to abolish, a fire that can burn out of control. When you fight in a flood of anger, you will lose, again and again. Anger can render you helpless, I’ve had others tell me they have blacked out in anger, not remembering what happened. No substance use involved, just anger. When angry, your words and communication become lost in the emotional whirlwind of it. It can be a very negative force, the opposite of depression, but it comes from the same place of hurt. Anger can switch to depression that is unbearable, often leading to suicide. Depression is more tolerable to discuss, possibly because it isn’t as loud as anger. Anger beats down doors, is deafening to the ears, is unreasonable, possibly murderous, hurts those who face it, and those who express it. When was the last time you were so angry you screamed and yelled, but felt no better for it, felt shame and embarassment, and then felt more anger? Anger is at the door, there is no getting around that. It causes couples to fight dirty, to use insulting words, put downs, swearing, or getting physical.  It distracts the person from seeing the point. What was the point? Is it finances? Is it a lack of attention? The cause of the fight, the hot button issue, is lost. Is it the children; their rooms, their mess, their clothes on the floor, the dirty clothes piling up in the laundry?  You feel helpless, and yell louder than all the others, and then, you are just loud. You cannot ignore your anger.

But faced with this animal, you can only deal with it a little at a time. Like a little teapot, that squeals when its hot and boiling. Just a little bit. I’m the first to admit, anger can be dangerous. It causes people to developed high blood pressure if they don’t express it, and if expressed too forcefully, estranges you from your spouse, children, family, and friends, and often you end up in divorce. Anger then becomes your legacy, its all you have left to keep you warm at night. It might keep you company, but it may be your only friend.

All this said, to have anger is to be human. What are the benefits of anger? It is powerful, it can be relentless in pursuit of justice, help you to solve problems, and get up in the morning. It can be used as a source of energy, to make changes in your life that you have never before achieved. It can sometimes lead to accelerated drive that helps attain goals, finish races, score touchdowns.  People use their anger to prove themselves in their chosen fields of work. It can definitely help us in situations of danger or threat. Mothers around the world protect and defend their children with feelings of arousal or anger. It brings together people who feel harassed and abused, it is the background noise in many political movements. It has helped others achieve greatness, and make sound laws. It is used to express creativity, art, verbs, and songs. You can utilize anger as an inner voice of determination, which can be used to balance you when there is trouble, when you have no direction.  Anger is a two-faced beast, both terrifying, and awe inspiring. Many people have been trained since birth to repress it, others, to chronically spit it out, yelling, raging, and seething.

So how do you go about harnessing the energy of anger? What do you do to begin repair, and how do you make it work for you, not against you?

First; it’s important to notice triggers, thoughts, your inner voice and what it tells you. If you tell yourself that you’re bad because of angry feelings, you will make every effort to avoid feeling, or become irritated that anger is there, and take it out unjustly on those around you.

Second; perhaps you are angry because something needs to change, to give, to be readjusted and reframed. Use your anger to guide you, not blind you. Think of it as a friend, one who doesn’t give up, or become afraid. 
Third; talk to your anger, it needs your attention and love. Don’t hate yourself for being angry, it will just make you feel worse. Anger isn’t necessarily hate, it might be a sign of love, or concern. Reframe angry thoughts, think of using your tone to connect, not obliterate.

Fourth; predict that you will become angry at a given point, but there are mild to intense reactions. Can you modulate an angry feeling, reduce the intensity, use it to express and communicate? Find a safe place in your home to breathe, request a time-out in negotiating with others if you are getting too heated, take your time. Don’t be in a hurry when comes to regrouping, and thinking of a plan of action. Consider the consequences of blurting out in anger, train yourself to take the anger elsewhere, work out in a reasonable fashion. Overly intense workouts can sometimes sustain the level of anger or its intensity. Use anger creatively, in art, music, and work.

* http://www.thefreedictionary.com/anger 
* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anger


Feel free to download this guide:
 
Objectives_in_Controlling_Anger.doc